THE ART OF MENTORING

The Art of Mentoring

There are millions of blogs and articles out there on mentoring. With a simple google search thousands of pages will pop up and stare you in the face. Even after 18 years of mentoring experience, I still hit major roadblocks in my mentoring process with challenging students. I call these youth, “heavy hitters” because every effort from others to connect to them fails. Their lives have been full of trauma, abandonment, poverty and pain.

I am not a quitter, so over the years in times like these I get creative in my efforts, hoping to resource myself to find a way to breakthrough. Hearing their stories and circumstances may help you understand my predicament a bit more.

Male 18, gang affiliated, drug addicted

I’ve been mentoring this young man for 2 years, but the process stalled. I seemed to be getting nowhere as he continued to “put in work” for his neighborhood bringing drugs, violence and destruction everywhere he went.

Female 16, gang affiliated, drug addicted, homeless

It was my first year of mentoring and it was filled with many highs and lows. She refused to trust, took none of my sound advice, and remained in her addiction believing there will always be an absence of hope. She was suicidal and attempted to OD to end her life on multiple occasions.

Female 18, foster youth, alone

In the first year of mentoring we made significant, positive headway. All was well, but then her adopted family (that’s right, adopted and natural family) abandoned her and everything began to unwind. During an important CFT meeting about her future she cussed me out, threatened violence to me, and pulled away from the relationship completely.

Male, 10, defiant, angry and violent

We had to remove this young man from our programs because of his constant violence and defiance towards us. He was a safety concern with no regard for any other person's well being.

So I’m on google, searching and reading…………. and nothing.

No resource, no “how to” articles found to assist me in mentoring in these extreme circumstances. No one has written a “guide book” for moments like these.

So what do you do when no one else cares about these youth? When every effort is failing?

THE BIG ANSWER | GO TO THE ARTS

In every example mentioned above, the key to breakthrough was THE ARTS!

Male 18, gang affiliated, drug addicted

I took him to a poetry and open mic venue and to my surprise he walked to the mic and shared poetry without fear (I even asked him if he liked poetry and he said no lol). While sharing I could see his pain escape and hope revive. Within the art he found refuge and expression.

Female 16, gang affiliated, drug addicted, homeless

I brought with me, along with food and clothes, a ton of urban art. Sketches of urban landscapes, paintings created by “raza,” and a short poetry book written by youth who were incarcerated. She was drawn to each piece and even messaged me for a week to discuss what she was experiencing in her reading and drawing. To my surprise at our next visit, she brought a sketch book full of her art.

- Eric Vasquez

Here is an excerpt written by a Pomona youth who remained silent for months; but, after working with dA Literary Director Matt Sedillo offered this window to his world :  

“Pomona, a place where everyone struggles with something, whether it's over working,  over thinking, overdosing, or being overlooked, everyone is pressured to a lot like drugs, alcohol, grades, acting a certain way. Family be acting like strangers, friends be acting like family.  Rights feel like wrongs and wrongs feel so right.”

These words are a call to action for civic leaders and educators.

The Arts tell our stories. The arts do not discriminate and more importantly they offers a universal language for shared dialogues that increase understanding which is vital to empowering, transforming, healing and building traumatized individuals and communities. All the arts are essential in bridging alienation to safe and respectful connections and community.   

“Do you want to talk about it ? ” can be terrifying words to deeply abused, stressed, and emotionally paralyzed individuals.

When youth suffering from stressful problems work with dA heArt Leaders, they find the arts reduce anxiety and invite individuals to vicariously articulate thoughts and frustration when words fail them. The tactile exchange allows the individuals to gain insights to their own anger, grief, and the possibilities of re -creating and rebuilding arise. Photography provides a non judgemental lens that invites visual communication and captures thoughts and feelings that words cannot convey. Music speaks to our souls and represents the sounds of our feelings. When disconnected and depressed youth who are re-entering society work with dA mentoring musicians, they find unity in drumming. Poetry offers connectivity and inspiration. The shared words are powerful as they confirm we are not alone. Those who take the risk to share are rewarded as they report feelings of euphoria after sharing and they feel a call to action to help others. The act of creating or watching a theatrical play invites or sparks  catharsis through a plot that dramatizes a relatable conflict and offers resolution.

The arts offer a non judgemental non threatening form of expression. The Arts act as the removed 3rd party interpreter which provides a safe communication portal to healing and to solutions.  When engaged with any of the arts, individuals are liberated from their burden and in time a gateway to the once inconceivable healing is ignited.

• Margaret Aichele

JU4Y and the dA center for arts has continued to partner and provide mentoring through the arts. Through our collaboration and friendship we will impact many young lives in the urban context. United we say , “It’s not about us, it’s about them. It’s never been about programs, it’s about relationships. It’s never about now, but it’s about the future.”

Full Student Poem :

Pomona, a place where everyone with something, whether it's over working thinking, overdosing, or being overlooked, everyone is pressured to a lot like drugs, alcohol, grades, acting a certain way. Family be acting like strangers, friends be acting like family.  Rights feel like wrongs and wrongs feel so right. Struggling with pressure itself is just enough to handle for the most part but when people start making us hold their weight its very troubling so we end up putting our weight down to help but without knowing that by holding their weight will just make it harder to hold our own.forced smiles till the end, accidental cuts and bruises, bones getting weaker and weaker, weight dropping but not the good kind. Life holding us down to our knees,  keeping us from finishing our goal and finish the race. To be able to throw my pain into the fire, im cautions of doing because there's a possibility it could burn down the city if i'm not careful. So i see it worth hurting if it means others heal. I hide the pain to help others with their pain. Fighting the darkness just to be able to see the light, but is it even for yourself.