Making A Change For The Better

I never expected for my life to turn out like this, my mother has never been there for me. She has never loved me, but her other kids have always been more important than I was to her. I was 3 when she decided to leave my life and leave my dad with a huge responsibility. My father has no family to turn to, he has no one, but he still raised me to the best of his ability, although he comes up short often. It was hard growing up without a mother. When my father enrolled me in soccer when I was younger I was excited because I was actually good at it. I enjoyed playing it. When I was younger my heart crashed because I would look at other boys bringing their mom and dad but I had no one. My father is an older man and he’s always working. I hate it because he just never had the time for me. 

When I was in second grade I was excited because my school gave me a letter saying I was getting an award for mathematics. That day I couldn’t wait to go home and tell my dad. I ran home and shared with him that I got an award but he didn’t seem proud at all. The day I got my award I was crushed once again because I saw the other kids with their parents and I never had those moments to enjoy. I never had anyone to tell me good job or I’m proud of you. From that day on I learned to be happy for myself but as I grew older I realized that was easier said then done. 

In time I started developing problems at school. I started to get suspended every day and after a while they decided it was better to move me then to actually give me the help I needed. So I moved schools and I was doing okay but the anger I had inside made me act very different which got me into more problems. That led to me getting expelled. They moved me to another school and again my first couple of weeks were okay until I was introduced to weed. After that it was something more that I could use to sooth my pain. I was taught how to cut myself. During that time I was informed of some life changing news that I was going to be a father. 

I made a promise to myself and my son that I was going to change for the good because I don’t want him to go through what I went through. I had to learn how to shower by myself, how to wash my own clothes, how to brush my teeth, how to ride a bike by myself, and I don’t want my son to go through that like I did. I want to be the person that teaches him everything. I want him to know that he can count of his dad because that’s something I couldn’t count on. 

It’s hard to change when your heart is broken, but I have hope to one day heal and get on the right path. I waited until I finally came to acceptance that no matter what, my son is going to need me so might as well be a good person so that one dad he can say "I’m proud of you dad". One day I was talking to my friend about her problems. During that conversation is when I released how much I enjoy helping people emotionally and physically. I feel very passionate about making people feel like the are worth something. I would like to thank my mentor from Just Us 4 Youth, Eric, for inspiring me to do what he does. He helps people who are in very difficult situations. I would also like to thank the people who may read this. I don’t share often, but I hope this helps you push through your pain and know that you’re not alone. I don’t know exactly how I will get out of this, but one day soon, I know I’ll have the breakthrough.

- Pomona Student, 13 years old